Smoking Adderall, Extreme Risks, Dangers, Why It’s Stupid, and Overdose and Addiction Risks Long-Term
After enduring the horrid crash from the moderate dose of snorted Adderall after the AP exams, I actually had much less of an intention to go back to sniffing the powder. Seeing what happened to my friend Josh while on drugs had actually scared me in that I saw what I looked like. I didn’t want to be a tweaker anymore, there was so much more to life than being a drug addict, and constantly waking up sickened and depressed. After that exam day, a few weeks passed, and finally a full month. I had finally made it 30 days sober, and it felt great that I was strong enough, and that I really did have the will power to get off of it without telling my parents, and without blowing my entire cover. Smoking Adderall is incredibly dangerous and risky and should never be attempted under any means! Subscribe for nootropic alternatives and more articles about the dangers of addiction.
School ended, I said goodbye to a few of my senior friends that I would never see again, and finally, lived a normal life for an entire summer, making it four full months of sobriety without touching a single amphetamine. I was happy, and I felt like my addiction was completely over, I was done, nothing left down the tunnel for me but happiness and a long, drug free life-the way I had intended to live before I had taken any Adderall.
Why Smoking Adderall is Growing and Extremely Risky and Scary
As much as I was happy to be off the drug however, there was one thing that my sobriety couldn’t completely give me, and it was peace of mind. I knew that there was still the problem of my prescription, in which I chalked up as too valuable to vacate. Months had passed since ingesting an Adderall, and after nearly four full months since using, and a desire to continue having the pills, I had acquired more than I knew what to do with. I had continued to have my parents fill my prescriptions, stocking them up in a pencil case underneath my bookshelf, and continuing to lead them onto the idea that I was an ADD kid who needed medication to function. Not telling my parents however, and trying to cover up my secret had left me one hundred sixty Adderall’s, and no credible excuse had my parents ever managed to find them.
Even clean and sober however, I knew I had a serious problem, and was at more of a risk of getting caught now than I ever had been as a drug addict. Unsure of what to do with my growing pill stash however, and almost completely without cash, I saw the solution to my financial worries starting in front of me each and every morning when I went to “take my medication.”
With the new school year approaching, I sent a few text messages to see how easily I could really sell my new collection. I picked up my phone, took a look at how big my stash of Adderall had truly gotten, and sent out a text message “josh, wanna buy some Adderall tomorrow?” Minutes later I was greeted with a reply “yeah sure, gimme four, and I’ll throw you a twenty.” Well that was almost too easy, I thought to myself. Let’s try it again. I grabbed my phone and texted Eric, my old drug dealer, with an idea. “Think you could help me sell a few of these Adderall’s?” Nearly an hour later he replied “yea” sticking to his brief and inconspicuous text messages as he had always done for a reason I could never understand.
Smoking Adderall Long-Term Dangers
And so, here I was. A drug dealer, so much for those ground rules. I had positioned the four Adderall’s in an envelope the night before, and had placed the envelope in a folder titled “reading”, along with a black binder containing a large quantity of pills. I felt the nausea build up inside of me, and the paranoia getting worse as Sebastian texted me the very same morning “meet me by the vending machines in the front and we’ll do the swap.” My mind started to become restless and uneasy as I thought about all the possibilities, all of what could possibly happen if I were to get caught. In a matter of minutes however, it was over as I high five passed an envelope to Sebastian, and passed a folder to Eric on my way to the other side of the school. I could handle this, making money from very little work, and with very little of an opportunity to actually be caught. There was even a slight, ensuing euphoria after finishing the deal. I was excited, a natural excitement, the kind that happens when you get straight A’s, or win a competition, rather than the result of a mind altering substance. I was going to stay healthy, and let my newfound sobriety earn me back every dime I had spent on my addiction.
Smoking Adderall Addiction Risks
By the middle of the day however, my hobby had become the center of involvement once again as Sebastian soon approached me at a table “hey potter, just did a line. Adderall’s way stronger than that Ritalin stuff I’m used to using” Sebastian said aloud during lunch. “Oh you’re on Adderall too! Who sold it to you, this kid” asked a skinny Spanish kid alongside Sebsatian, who had identified himself to me as Luis. “You take Adderall too” I asked him. “Yeah, once in a while, I’m mostly into the Ritalin though” I laughed at how many kids still hadn’t advanced from Ritalin to Adderall, something much stronger.
“Alright, we gotta tell you something potter” Sebastian started up “we’ve got something pretty big going on actually.” I laughed “you have no idea” I said. “Okay” Sebastian said “so here goes. We found this online website that guess what?” He said. “What?” I asked. “Sends drugs to your house!” Sebastian said in excitement as I started to laugh almost uncontrollably. “Are you really that stupid? You would actually buy drugs online, and have them sent to your house. Well, this should be a funny story.” Sebastian smiled and from the engaging smile on his face I knew he had an ace up his sleeve “it’s completely anonymous, and it’s something that the government barely has a clue about. You have to download Tor, and there’s no way that this site would be able to be tracked. The length someone would have to go to find out who’s using the site would be absolutely incredible.” The idea started to become more and more believable, and I couldn’t believe that I was actually getting sucked into the idea of buying drugs online as a good thing. “So you guys are still just going to get high, I mean, I don’t know about you, but I want to make some money this year. Senior year and I want some cash that my parents can’t touch, something they are completely in the dark about-like a rainy day fund, only not entirely legal.”.
Smoking Adderall Scary Side Effects
Sebastian started to laugh hysterically and I followed up with laughter just to seem in the norm. the laughter was actually making it hard for him to finish his sentence “we’re going to buy them online, and sell them around school. Completely anonymous, and the way the mailing is set up, our parents will have no idea whatsoever.” I couldn’t believe what I was actually listening to, whether it was entirely falsified and just a grandiose delusion from the Adderall euphoria Sebastian was undergoing, or if he was actually on to something seriously worth mentioning here. “Alright well, if you’re serious about this, I think I’ve got an idea that can make us both seriously rich. It’s pretty risky, but the rewards are absolutely endless, and as long as we keep our grades up, no one will suspect a thing.”
Smoking Adderall Extreme Dangers and Why It’s Stupid
“What, what, what is it!” Sebastian and Luis both leaned over in extreme curiosity about my plan. “Okay, what if I could get you more Adderall than you could ever dream of, is their anyway that you could maybe sell those on that website of yours?” I said. “Whoa” both Luis and Sebastian’s eyes lit up. “potter, how much Adderall are we actually talking about here, I mean, this had better be pretty lucrative if we’re going to actually sell those things online.” I looked at Sebastian, then at Luis, and tried biting my tongue in excitement “160 pills.” Luis spit half the pizza out of his mouth in laughter and Sebastian turned a pale color that made me think he was about to faint. “160 pills!” He screamed “shhh!” I said loudly “keep your voice down a little bit.” Sebastian began to cough “right. I mean um, a package of 160 note cards” he said with a wink. “That’s a lot of paper. How could you possibly have gotten that?” “Well, I haven’t been using my note cards at all. So, you guys in, you want to maybe check your little website for sales on those note cards and see if there’s some real profit involved here?” Luis and Sebastian both jumped at the amount of profit we were all going to make this year “yes, we are in for sure.”
Smoking Adderall Alternatives and Why You Should Never Do This for Fear of Risking an Overdose
And it all became clear, I was going for the gold, going to make more money than I could’ve ever imagined. As nervous as I was however, the dollar signs were blocking my eyes more than the lingering drug paranoia and worries about being arrested ever would. “What’s this websites name” I asked, wanting to go home and search the website for myself. Sebastian started to smile and said quietly under his breath “Silkroad.com.” I raised one eyebrow in confusion “so it’s an actual website, like I could just type Silkroad.com into my web browser, and a legitimate website would pop up, filled with narcotics?” Our entire table began to laugh at overhearing our entire conversation “yes, that’s the absolute beauty of it potter. There’s no way to get caught though, no one can actually log into the website unless Tor is downloaded, and it makes the computer system completely safe, it’s almost impossible to hack, and it’s a pretty safe system.”
Smoking Adderall and Smoking it Out of a Marijuana Bowl and Why this is Extremely Risky and Stupid
Sebastian looked at Luis and leaned in, contemplating between one another about how far off I actually was “It’s going to be more of a distribution chain because well; we’re getting a pretty high amount of our product” he said. “Oh my God” I replied in shock to their original statement “what is this thing that you’re buying and how can you afford so much of it.” I asked. “We can’t exactly” Sebastian replied “not yet at least. We need $100.” I laughed at how low scale this entire operation was “$100? What kind of Drug Empire can you possibly buy with a hundred bucks?” I asked. “200 tablets of LSD” said Sebastian as my jaw dropped, and I couldn’t believe the low cost of the product. “Let me get this straight, you’re going to put $100 from your bank account towards buying LSD, and then sell it around school for more.”
There was a pause, as if Sebastian was really trying to keep this entire operation incredibly secretive “not quite. We’re not doing it through actual money. The reason this site is so effective is because well, it’s kind of got its own source of anonymous currency.” I struggled to understand how effective and high level this website actually was “how can a website just invent an entirely new currency?” Sebastian sighed “alright let me try to walk you through this step by step here. The website’s currency isn’t completely made up. It’s anonymous, in that no one can tell what you bought with it, making it perfect for buying something that’s you know, extremely illegal! On the other hand, it’s a real online currency. It’s called bitcoin, here” Sebastian slid me his iPhone “don’t believe me look it up.”
Countless results for articles on the anonymous currency popped up and I began to finally comprehend the legitimacy of what Sebastian and Luis were actually talking about. “That’s the nerdiest drug dealing I’ve ever seen I said.” I know, said Sebastian. “Dude, we’re going to be Kingpins I swear” said Luis. We all laughed at how accurate the statement was, until finally going on to live our regular lives outside of the black market, trying not to seem suspicious, but concealing a burning desire to just tell someone, say something to a normal civilian person unknowledgeable about the drug world, and tell them how incredibly amazing, and incredibly real what we had gotten ourselves into actually was. I couldn’t believe how lucrative my senior year of high school was really and truly going to be, and I knew that this new activity of mine was definitely going to take some getting used to.
At that moment, I had no burning desire to enter the drug trade, and no actual need for money. I didn’t care about money I was finally happy, had friends, a somewhat normal life, and was finally healthy. However, the thoughts and desires to not throw away my hard work, and get rid of the most significant thing I did during my junior year of high school was something I still was not yet up to. I loved the peace but missed the rush, and knew that I now had a way. A way to stay entirely safe and anonymous, and an idea that would get rid of that gigantic bag of pain and suffering that still lie on the floor in my room; get paid and cash out, that was what I was going to do. It was going to be quick and painless, I would cash in on my sobriety, and maybe, just maybe, no one would ever suspect a thing.
Embracing my new extracurricular, and blocking away what was irrational fear and paranoia of being caught, calls and text messages began to come from potential clients as Eric had introduced and informed others of my business. In a week he had returned a hundred dollars to me, afterwards proceeding to give me his customer base, which soon withered away after the schools low demand for the drug was at its usual peak. However, people still had managed to lock onto me as a drug dealer (mainly because at first I dressed like one so people would know I wasn’t joking and could find me with relative ease), as I took a more calculated and relaxed approach towards dealing . I did very little and made money, and started to finally bask in the glory and confidence of what I was doing, rather than being overly focused on the paranoia and possibility of indictment. It was much more calming and much more profitable, and the less I thought about it, the easier and more innate it soon became.
Very dangerous, don’t do it
Smoking Adderall Risks
That day at lunch, Sebastian planted one hand on the table, pushed himself in mid air, and swung his legs over, landing in his seat all in one swift motion. It was obvious he was on Adderall, and it was hilarious to me that it was almost completely undetectable by the general public, or even by teachers with doctorate degrees. “potter, we’ve got something big to talk about, the acid tabs finally arrived.” My jaw dropped, and I punched the table in excitement as the buildup of adrenaline rushed through my veins.
Sebastian cracked a small smile “don’t worry about it, you’ll get too paranoid. You’ve just got to hand it to me; I’m the one that’s got to carry it around all day anyways, well, me or Luis at least.” I looked at him in disgust and nervousness, in that one day I was actually going to bring that giant bag of pills from my room, to school, risking my future as a college student, and risking trading it for a darkened future as a convict.
Smoking Adderall Dangers
My mind was scared, at a glance however, the ensuing weeks revolved around plotting, thinking, and realizing what we were actually doing. It was already almost November, and we wanted to get the entire deal over with before Christmas break, figuring the down time of not having school would help drop our heat level just in case our paranoia got the better of us. The plan: Bring the pencil case in a folder; fill the folder with actual colored pencils and actual index cards while wrapping the pills in an aluminum foil. The backup plan: run, flush the pills, and get out. We knew what we were doing, and what we were getting ourselves into with even contemplating distributing such a large quantity.
If caught, the consequences would be horrendous, but if not, the rewards would be even greater. We tried to block out the paranoia and simply think of the benefits of the deal, and how it would help us rather than destroy us. We had all acquired enough experience even in just a few short months to realize and understand that the more we thought about doing it, and the less we naturally and impulsively went through with it, the greater paranoia and mistakes could be involved.
The fear, and the rush of acquiring piles of money however was gone in an instant when the very next day at lunch, I approached a hindrance in the original plan. “Alright, it’s going to take a little longer than we thought before we buy all your Adderall. The tabs are moving just, the school is still pretty new to the idea, and it might take awhile to sell since everyone’s going to need to adjust.”After all the speculation, and now another delay, although one which Luis and Sebastian assured me would be final, I was beginning to truly believe that the one giant sale was all that was, just speculation and hope. “Alright” I replied to Luis and Sebastian “You guys want to maybe buy a few of them just to help in school or whatever?” Sebastian nodded “yeah sure, I’ll buy one tomorrow.” Luis jumped into the conversation with an idea “why don’t I just sell it for you to the same clients that I sell the acid tablets to.” Suddenly it hit me, fronting. If Luis and Sebastian fronted LSD tablets to high school kids as distributors, and actually trusted them with a fairly heavy street drug, then something as simple as a prescription amphetamine would come with relative ease to them.
Smoking Adderall Dangers and Concerns
“Alright potter, alright.” Sebastian said in a reserved manner as I worried inside about the massive type of bulk I was now going to be pushing through the school, although quite excited about the new amounts of clients and cash I had acquired.
For weeks, the cycle continued, and I had sold more pills than I could’ve ever imagined in the short amount of time. Finally however, it was time, I wanted the entire bag to be gone, and wanted to be free from being at risk for trafficking. The nightmares as well as the dreams were starting to become a burden, and dreams of having money, as well as getting caught with pounds of drugs on me consistently came up. It was all I thought about, conscious or not, and it was scary to me that even after getting clean this drug continued to play a huge role in my life. I was always at risk for getting caught, whenever my room got searched, if I took too much or too little from my Adderall bottle, or if I stayed up late doing a paper (my parents would blame the medication for my wakefulness late at night and contemplated taking me off Adderall numerous times.) It was finally time, and I was getting sick of pocket money deals. I wanted more, and I wanted it as soon as possible, even if it meant lowering the price even more.
“So, when do you want to do the deal?” He asked right away. “I was thinking we could do it now. I know we said we would do it over Christmas break but I think this way would actually be better. You know, just get it over with.”
Luis stared at me, and I could feel the nerves building up not only for myself, but for Luis, whom in a way was taking an even bigger risk than I was.
Smoking Adderall Risks
Soon however, my impatience grew to the point of almost complete obsession, as Luis had decided to postpone, telling me to come at him with the idea in a few days. In full knowledge that Luis and Sebastian had now acquired more than enough cash and more than enough nerve to finally go along with my plan. I hatched what I figured was an idea that would bribe the mind of a junkie much like myself, and give him more of a mindset towards getting his next fix than worrying about the finances of it.
I walked out of my second period class that day, taking a deep breath and hoping what I was doing wasn’t too stupid and out of the ordinary for Luis to see through. I walked over to the tall skinny Spanish kid, and shook his hand “hey Luis, how you doing?” He stared at me and smiled without a response “okay let me cut to the chase. Luis, you’ve been using a lot of that Adderall stuff lately haven’t you” I said. “Yeah I guess” he replied “I mean, I’m starting to have to take more and more but yeah it’s still working pretty good.” He stared at me with what seemed like confusion as he grinded his teeth, and presented a nasty looking jaw twitch. I sighed, and as my heart began to increase, I got up the nerve, and finally let the entrepreneur inside me unleash. “Let me cut to the chase” I said “you’ve been buying at a pretty cheap price, and I’d like to lower it even more if you buy in bulk, and if you front me the cash.” Suddenly, his eyes lit up and he cracked a smile “how much?” He asked, in almost disbelief that I was going to drop the price eve lower. “Three dollars” I said “each.”
Smoking Adderall Side Effects
Suddenly, Luis seemed rather enthused, and I wondered if maybe I could’ve negotiated a higher price “you serious?” He asked “completely” I said in reply. “I know you’ve got a lot” he said “but how much are we talking about here again?” He asked, still extremely excited and probably trying to stomach what he was about to do “one hundred twenty pills” I said, trying to remain calm and not buy into Luis’s enthusiasm for fear of the price being manipulated “one hundred twenty pills, at three dollars each!” I had never seen anyone that truly happy or excited, and it was scary to me how much Luis had actually reminded me of myself when I was still using heavily, nearly six months ago. The jacket to cover up some of the scratch marks and how skinny he had gotten, the jeans to make sure that every piece of skin on his body was covered, it was almost nauseating to visualize that I had once been in his shoes, if not even worse at my rock bottom, as I called my horrible position from last year. “Yeah” he sniffled and rubbed his nose before twitching a few times and taking out a folder from his backpack. “I’ll buy it, all of it, today’s Friday so you’ll have the entire weekend to get everything ready to go.” We’d been using folders to transport it for quite some time now, and it allowed for the entire operation to remain inconspicuous, and in my opinion, get as far as it already had.
Smoking Adderall Research
“Let’s get upstairs first” said Luis with joy still in his voice. He sat down on a bench right outside both our classrooms and opened his folder, revealing a gigantic wad of cash that I couldn’t wait to get my hands on. He took it out of the folder and began to count it, out loud and in plain sight. “Are you serious Luis? You wanna get caught, look how sketchy this is.” I said. “C’mon no one cares dude, lighten up” this tone seemed unfamiliar to me, especially since on the drug I had always been extremely careful as a result of my paranoia. “Forget that, look we’ll go into the bathroom and do it” we walked nearly a hundred feet over towards the bathroom and Luis stood in the corner, rolling out a humongous wad of cash left over from his LSD salesmanship, and began to count it out loud. “Three-hundred sixty dollars, there you go.” I quickly grabbed it out of his hand, almost in shock about how easy it was and how much I had really gotten for the entire bag. It was done, over, and the deal had been made. I stuffed the wad of cash in my pocket, and jogged the rest of the way to class barely making it before the bell.
Smoking Adderall Addicts
I looked around the room, trying not to make it overly obvious that something was going on at me, while at the same time, trying not to be too careless with the giant wad of cash that was now in my pocket. “Mrs. Frailing, can I use the bathroom really quick?” I asked, as she looked up at me and I practically shook in my shoes, praying she didn’t say no “uh yeah sure, just make it quick” she said. I grabbed the bathroom pass, not stopping to fill it out before I walked out the door and was soon stopped “ wait up!” I checked to make sure that the money was still in my pocket, and took a step back into the room, trying not to breathe too heavily from the shock and excitement my adrenaline had me in “you have to write your name and the date first” Mrs. Frailing said. Oh my God why! C’mon I just want to stuff the money in my pocket in my pocket it’ll take five seconds, is what I thought to myself, as well as what I wanted to scream out as I continued to get more and more agitated towards my growing anxiety.
Smoking Adderall Addiction
Instead however, I nodded my head and calmly filled out the bathroom pass before darting out of the room, locking myself in the stall, and removing the giant wad of cash from my pocket. “Whoooo!” I screamed while biting my shirt, flashing the money around the bathroom stall before stuffing it all in my wallet, and trying to find a way to let out the rest of my energy. I clenched my fist in excitement as the extreme adrenaline rush began to build up more and more. I punched the soap canister on the bathroom wall over and over, pulling my hand back to see the gigantic dent left on the silver canister as well as the blood building up in my knuckles. I glanced at the soap canister one last time before finally walking out of the stall, now actually feeling the pain in my once impervious knuckles.
Walking back into Government class and trying to seem casual and lethargic as I usually was proved somewhat of a challenge after the drama in the bathroom and hallway had occurred. I felt a constant urge to burst out in laughter, and couldn’t stop moving my legs while the adrenaline rush still lingered from having finally sealed the deal on the Adderall. Having managed to profit from a one hundred twenty pill deal however, playing it cool in an honors level class was nothing short of simple to me, and after several minutes of trying to regain my composure and control the excitement, it was no longer obvious. Class passed like any other would, and soon I walked out of the class room, nonchalant and as if nothing had actually happened.
“Hey potter, can I borrow a dollar, or three hundred?” Sebastian and Luis both said, practically in unison as I laughed away uncontrollably. “I can’t believe it’s actually over” I said, before realizing Luis’s sniffling add growing eye twitch. “Luis geez, you look pretty tweaked. What did you do snort more?” I asked, starting to become genuinely concerned with what I was about to do. “Oh my God potter” Luis replied “I just snorted like three of them, whoa I feel so great right now!” I tried to laugh off how bad Luis’s addiction was already becoming right from the start, and my heart beat slightly increased at the burning thought that Luis’s overdose would possibly be on my hands. “Damn this kid’s gonna break your record Steve” Sebastian said.
“Yeah right, talk to me when you’ve been up for six days straight doing lines Luis. No but in seriousness don’t do that, wasn’t as fun as you’d expect.”
Lunch that day was a blur of a paranoid mess, and we all felt at a sense of urgency and unease. We knew in the back of our minds that the possibility of actually being searched Monday was low, but the growing worry turned into a burning fear, and eventually a state of almost psychosis. My friends had already taken the edge off the natural fear, and I almost swallowed my tongue at hearing the next strand of words. “You want a line?” Luis said as he pulled out a perfectly crushed pill in a dime bag. My legs began to bounce again, and the memories of only the good times I had with the drug seemed to return. I told myself I didn’t want it, it was just a drug, sobriety was the only answer. I checked my watch, and finally, gritting my teeth at the idea that I was even thinking about using, went into the bathroom and finished off the bag.
As great as I felt however, the paranoia hadn’t gone away in the least bit, and I tried to enjoy my now almost full blown craziness with my tweaker friends. I wondered why I was with them, why I didn’t branch out and just get away from the drug trade completely. The thoughts of negativity quickly went away as the drip began to fall down my throat, burning my esophagus and causing the twitch in my eye and discomfort in my kidney to return in their entirety. Conversation was a ball, and centered on using drugs, pushing drugs, and the ensuing ideas of Sebastian and Luis’s LSD tablet sales.
Sober or not, I worried about relapse. The first time doing it again, I thought it was over, and here I was, high on Adderall again. I wanted to cry, but it seemed like the high was keeping me afloat. I wanted to just turn it off and be done with it, and the worries of undergoing even the slightest bit of withdrawal returned. Would I ever make it to a thousand dollars, would I ever truly make amends with the people of whom my addiction had hurt? I was scared out of my mind, and I couldn’t tell if the addiction was still out of my reach. All that time of sobriety, just to go back to day one, maybe this was going to be a good thing for me; maybe total sobriety wasn’t the answer. After all I had been clean for a while, and I doubted that I was actually going to go right back into withdrawal. Life was going to be good, and I hoped that I could just be a recreational user once again, use to get high and not to prevent being sick, and redo what I had wanted before I had started Adderall.
When it had finally passed however, and it was time, time to finally get rid of something I had spent months saving up, I was in no way up for it. I grabbed one pill from the bag and snorted the entirety of its contents, waiting the five minutes before fully coming up on the drug. I grabbed my pencil case filled with Adderall, wrapped it in aluminum foil and filled the rest with colored pencils before fastening it into a folder and cramming it in plain sight in my backpack.
First period brought almost completely uncontrollable nerves, and I felt like I was going to either vomit or endure a panic attack on the floor. No amount of breathing exercises could calm the butterflies in my stomach, and by the time second hour rolled around, the nerves and the tension began to build up. My mind lingered on every single bad possibility “what if a security guard asks to see the folder? What if I drop it? What if God forbid there’s a hole in the bag and the entire thing spills in broad daylight?” The extreme paranoia managed to last me until five minutes before the bell, in which I grabbed the folder from my backpack and fastened it securely under my shoulder, bringing it closer to my side with every person that walked by my desk. Minutes before the bell however, there was a knock at the door “Mrs Getz, I need to see one of your students, tell him to bring his backpack.” My heart skipped a beat and my legs began to bounce in perfect, uncontrollable rhythm. “Get ready to run” my mind told my entire body. “Is there an Austin in the classroom? I breathed a huge sigh of relief as a particularly chunky student walked towards the door, bringing his backpack and leaving with the security guard. Finally the bell rang, and I power walked halfway across the school’s campus to meet up with Luis and give him the folder, before my extreme paranoia and anxiety had turned into a full blown psychosis. “There you go!” I said, louder than I would’ve liked to as I pinned the folder against his chest, hoping he didn’t drop it and walked the opposite direction to class.
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The rest of the school day passed with anticipation, as that night, my brain remained foggy from the crash of the amphetamines. A few more days of Adderall abuse passed once again, as I had developed quite a nasty cough however, and I couldn’t help but wonder if it was coincidence, or if once again the amphetamines had run me down to the point of getting sick frequently whenever I used them.
My mother quickly knocked on the bathroom door as I brushed my teeth, worried and concerned about my now declining health. “Potter, I’m going to get you some cough syrup, I want to make sure you’re going to be able to sleep tonight with a cough that bad.” I walked to the kitchen and, as my mother measured out a tablespoon of the syrup, a name on the bottle caught my eye. “Hydrocodone.” The word sounded so familiar, and from all my interaction and the day to day grind of being in the drug trade, I knew it was a downer, and I figured enough of it could mellow out this depressing crash.
I drank the teaspoon of the syrup and researched almost happily what the effects of the syrup were if taken in moderate quantities as soon as I approached my room. The results were fairly significant, and I wondered what the effects of a different drug would feel like. I doubted there would be a crash, and that it would probably help with the crash of uppers. I waited for my mother to go to sleep that night, pocketed the bottle of hydrocodone syrup, and locked myself in the bathroom.
In moments I was off, feeling like a back alley pharmacist and mixing and matching water to even out how much syrup I had removed from the bottle. In a few minutes I had transferred several shots of the syrup into a water bottle, replacing what was once syrup with a watery mixture that looked from the outside like the actual thing.
It was just before midnight that day when I drank all of what I had taken from the bottle. At first I felt nothing, thirty minutes went by, and I couldn’t tell if my tiredness was an effect of the drug, or the syrup was finally kicking in. Nearly fifteen minutes later however, I sat up feeling relaxed, and happy. I struggled to keep my eyes open, and I wanted to enjoy the nonchalant euphoria as much as possible before finally nodding off. I lay down flat on my bed, mouth wide open, brain in one of the highest states of euphoria I had ever been in, and spirit with a feeling that I had come as close to heaven as possible. My body felt stapled to the bed, eyes glued shut, and the atmosphere around me slow, gloomy, and filled with a constant, almost uncaring sense to it. Thoughts about the horrid crash of Adderall no longer lingered, and as the world around me began to move at the speed of a dream, I moaned out of extreme pleasure on the high first dosage of hydrocodone I had taken. The next day, I awoke in what was still somewhat of a daze, spending much of my Saturday moping around as the opiate sensation in my body still lingered and began to gradually dissipate after sleeping through almost half the day.
Smoking Adderall and Why It’s Dangerous
When it finally stopped, and I was sure that the syrup had completely worn off, I walked out at a still less than normal time in the morning for breakfast, and I was sure my mother could tell something was going on. “Why do you look so tired, it’s almost noon and you have dark circles under your eyes.” I swallowed hard, and my mind raced for something clever to say. “Oh sorry, I stayed up late studying and I just got done taking a power nap.” She still looked quite concerned and I wasn’t sure if she had bought the lie “alright fine” she said, leaving me alone to go to work with what I felt was an extreme sense of unease in her voice.
Immediately as she left the house, I grabbed the bottle of hydrocodone syrup and emptied what was almost the rest of it into a water bottle, being careful to fill the emptiness up with water almost exactly. I contemplated drinking it right then and there, I wanted to be relaxed once again, and craved falling back into the opiates comforting arms.
I stashed my water bottle underneath my bed, figuring I had better not push my luck with another, completely different, and in some ways even stronger drugs right away. Trying to get to sleep that night was somewhat of a burden, and it seemed as if I had to constantly be moving my legs back and forth as I lay in bed, trying to get some rest. I kicked hard, back and forth, just wanting to power walk or jog. I had read a fair enough about opiates during my weekend binges on Adderall and countless surfing of Wikipedia articles to know that this was a common side effect of the comedown from opiates. I kicked to my content and finally got to sleep late in the night I awoke feeling somewhat refreshed (a side effect not readily known to me during my experiences with Adderall.)
Arriving at school after the weekend however, the thoughts over how amazing my first opiate experience had been continued to intervene in my working memory, and a feeling that I had to tell someone ensued as a result. I was excited, and thought I had figured out a way to actually benefit from Adderall, having a little fun along the way in the process considering most of my problems with Adderall had come with not sleeping.
“Sebastian, I found this hydrocodone cough syrup in my cabinet. Oh my God!” He laughed as the rest of my table soon followed, ensuing to tell their own stories with the pill form of the drug. “Did you get like a warm rush” Luis asked in confidence as I could tell he and Sebastian were using the bag on themselves faster than they could sell it online for profit. “Actually yeah, it was pretty intense. At first I felt nothing and then it was like I was weighed down to the bed with bricks or something. It was amazing! I felt my eyes roll back and it was just absolutely an indescribable feeling dude.” Luis quickly added his two cents to the conversation “that sounds like me when I was on ketamine and when I stole a couple of my mom’s Xanax bar’s.” My mind fell into a paranoid like state “what! How many drugs have you done?” Sebastian quickly jumped in “he’s done more than me dude. It varies; we’ve done pretty much everything.”
Suddenly it began to stir up inside of me how stupid of an idea it truly was to be dealing with these kids. I was now even using again myself, and wondered how my life would’ve been so much different, so much better if I hadn’t undergone so much. Could I have been nicer, or made more money, or would I have done something truly extraordinary? My entire life in the last year and a half had seemed to revolve around drugs, whether through getting high, or getting others high. The saddest part, I liked it, I was happy getting high day and night, and making money getting others to use, at least until I crashed, when I felt sorry for myself and wished I had never started.
Realization or not however, I was practically back to square one, and in a way it was almost worse. Soon, each night became an opiate one, and each day a stimulant one. My drug pedaling somewhat fell through the cracks, and after nearly six months of living a drug free life, I was undergoing relapse, something I considered a necessary part of treatment if there was ever to be true change in my behavior, but painful nonetheless. For the first week, I tried to taper my amphetamine usage, giving up opiates cold turkey and enduring the hellish flu symptoms, body aches, minor depression, and extreme nausea. By the second week, I was totally sober and still not feeling a hundred percent, at least not compared to how I had remembered my true self. After nearly a month however, and after what seemed like one of the hardest of my life, everything seemed relatively normal, and for once, I liked it. My prescription still remained, and I still sold once in a great while, but it no longer accompanied my thoughts. In short, I was bored of the junkie life. I was tired of it, and it was tired of me.
Smoking Adderall Anxiety
I came to lunch that day, a short sleeve polo and jeans on and sporting a shorter, cleaner haircut to go along with my newfound health, and tried to make whatever my usual lunch conversation was seem normal. It wasn’t long before things got unusual however, and before I witnessed something that scared even me. I sat down at the table, making eye contact with Luis “hey potter, how ya doing” he said, in a different and more tweaked out, almost demonic voice than I had usually remembered of him. I stopped and stared in shock at how thin and addicted Luis had become “oh my God dude, are you okay” I asked “your jaw is like biting itself, I don’t even know how to describe it. Jesus, how much Adderall are you on?” Luis wasted no time in interrupting me mid sentence and replying in sincerity “aw dude, I’m on weed right now.” “weed” I said to him in shock “please tell me you don’t mean like weed.” Luis soon answered “yeah why, I mean, it’s actually not that bad. And I’m feeling pretty good right now, way better than when I was on that Adderall stuff.” It horrified me how far Luis’s addiction had now greatly surpassed even mine and the question popped into my mind of what had happened to that entire bag that I had sold him. “Please tell me you didn’t use that entire bag” I asked. “Na dude” he said, his junkie language now starting to annoy me greatly “that’s how I got the weed, I traded the rest of the bag, like twenty eight of them for it. The rest yeah, I pretty much swallowed and snorted. I ended up taking like four or five a day.” I felt horrible that I had put Luis through that, and wished I could’ve gone back and just flushed the pills. I had beaten a poly drug addiction and was now over a month sober again, why couldn’t I just beat my own greed and desire for quick cash?
Smoking Adderall Extreme Fears
For the next several days however, Luis was nowhere to be found at lunch, and I wondered if it was a result of the weed. As soon as I saw Sebastian however, my suspicion was soon confirmed. “You know where Luis has been at” he asked me with a sarcastic tone. “Not a clue” I said. “Remember that weed” Sebastian asked in an again suspicious tone. “Yes!” I said “just cut to the chase what the hell happened, where’s Luis?” I asked him. “Alright” said Sebastian “he’s been up smoking it for the last few days.” “What!” I said “why?” Sebastian stared at the ground, almost ashamed at his “business” partner’s actions. “I don’t know but that kid’s going to screw himself. He bought a weed pipe from the same guy we sold weed to, and he kept sending me videos telling me how cool the white weed cloud was” he said, finishing off.
My alarm went off that morning at six, and I let the music play for nearly an hour before moving a muscle. My brother came into the room “Potter it’s almost seven, what are you doing still asleep.” Seven, thought my foggy, delirious mind, fifteen more minutes of sleep. “Potter what are you doing, get up!” My mom and brother both walked into my room as
Still delirious, I trotted off to school before nodding off for a full forty minutes in first period. I wanted to throw up and sleep but couldn’t
I rolled into school the next day with this in mind, a slight aura of hope for normality in first hour, and the same in second hour, until, nearly twenty minutes into class, a tall girl with long, straight, brunette hair walked in that I immediately recognized. “Jess” I said quickly, turning around fully in my seat and plopping all four chair legs down on the floor with a bang as the girl I had not seen in months, ever since my entire addiction had relapsed and I had started dealing now sit right in front of my eyes. “What are you doing here?” I asked, surprised to see her in a basic honors level astro physics class rather than the AP level material she was used to. “One of my teacher’s was getting on my nerves” she said “so I just dropped the class and switched in here. So how is this class?” I paused for a moment, thinking about all the filler work and random assignments cluttering its schedule, as well as all the hardships I had gone through when I thought it was okay to use in moderation, an idea I could tell was a second shot at me by my addiction.
Jessia presumed the seat next to me, and after a while of chatting, asked me completely out of the blue “are you still staying sober?” My face blushed and I tried to resist the fear from becoming apparent in my face. “Yep, been sober eleven months now” I told her, hoping my ability to lie on the spot hadn’t gotten rusty in the past year. “That’s good to hear. So do you still um, hang out with the same people or?” I couldn’t tell exactly what she had meant but took it as an assumption that she had been referring to my junkie friends. “Of course not, I just completely ditched them” I said, purposely sounding sarcastic as to make her question seem ridiculous. I tried to avoid her as much as possible as just being around her made me remember, remember all I had done last year, reminding me that she had not much longer to live, and that I couldn’t risk getting attached to her once again. “I figured” she added, noticing my obvious sarcasm “then maybe you can help me.”
Walking out of second period however and seeing Luis in this one instance proved more of a comfort to me than the usual nuisance however. “Hey potter, what’s going on!” Luis said in his stoner type of low pitched voice. I shook his hand “dude, I don’t know what to do” I said.
I boarded the bus from school to the party that morning, the incident with Jess still entirely on my mind and accompanying me in my restless sleep for the past few days, and let the day go by as the ride there, and finally some time at an amusement park had led me to a gigantic rave, less than an hour away. Freshly showered, hair spiked up neatly, and sporting a long sleeved and collared shirt, I walked to dinner with Luis and a group of friends we had been lucky enough to meet on the bus.
The hour hand struck nine o’ clock, and the party was starting. I turned my head to the left in perfect view of the gorgeous girls, who had identified themselves to me as April and Geneva, sitting to the left of me. “Alright it’s nine” said April. “So what” Geneva said to her in reply, looking at me and waiting for me to randomly jump into the conversation as I had been the entire night. “We’re going to show up fashionably late April.” Quickly one of the dark skinned males from across the table who’d been smoking weed all night, and was sporting red eyes jumped into the conversation “no let’s go” he said. I hear they got free food.” I laughed and shook my head “you just ate and entire chicken and you’re still hungry” I said, with sarcasm in my voice, hoping he wouldn’t admit how much weed he had actually smoked to the women at our table.
I gave one final, larger jump before angrily appearing to grind my teeth and trying to act normal as someone came into the restroom, washing his hands beside me as I held my motor mouth with my teeth. I presumed my seat back at the table, downing the rest of a Gatorade bottle I had been working on and saying loud and proud “alright, let’s go!” I walked to the party, conversing the whole half-mile distance, arms around both of the girls snuggled close, freezing cold outside, wind blowing, vision in perfect clarity. As we walked further and the distance began to decrease, I began to run, as the rest of my group followed. I hopped up on a curb and back down to the sidewalk, stopping only just before the party as they checked us for our bracelets and I grabbed several bottles of water, downing the first one before practically making a full sprint towards the rest of the way to the dance floor. The music continued to get louder, and the drug’s effects were now fully evident in everything I did. The head rush was getting stronger, and moments later, as my friends joined me on the dance floor, a girl began to grind on me. What felt like only a few minutes had ended up being over half an hour as the seam of her tight jeans ran up my legs, and we held each other closely. She rocked back and forth as I began to touch her more and more. Another few minutes went by before she hugged me and walked away. I actually started to feel sad, sad that she had left, someone whose name I hadn’t known, or who’s eye color I hadn’t even seen due to the darkness of the night, and I thought I was in love. I wondered why she had left me, before realizing my water bottle was now empty, and almost an hour had passed since I had gotten there. “She was probably freaking exhausted” I thought to myself, laughing and smiling every step of the way.
Feeling more social than ever, I pushed my way to the front of the stage just as the DJ was putting on his bright red headphones and grabbing the microphone for the first time that night. “Are you guys ready to turn up the music?” The DJ screamed into the microphone as his costars on stage cranked up the knobs on their amplifiers. The techno music had started, and I was energized to the max. I fist pumped and grinded for hours on end, almost no food or water in my system, running on nothing but the pure happy chemicals flooding my fully uninhibited body and mind. And then suddenly, there was a skip in my mood, an immense downpour of energy. My legs began to shake, and the music got louder to the point of me losing my balance. The hallucinogenic properties began to take effect “what’s going on” I thought to myself, as I saw the world in a type of frozen state, only to blink and watch everyone move under the lights in an extreme type of slow motion. I tried to push my way to the back of the party, crushing girls toes under their sandals and practically dropping them to the ground in the process, ignoring their screams as others caught them falling to the floor. Again, there was another skip, “how did I get back to the front again” I thought to myself, severely dehydrated and without a sense of how horrid my drug induced short term memory had become as I fist pumped innately and practically uncontrollably, jumping with every beat of the song in the process. Someone quickly tapped me on the shoulder a moment later as I was sitting on the grass off a final blank, wondering what had happened.
I stared at my empty water bottle that lay tightly situated in my right hand, and quickly chugged several more from the party stand. The adderall like drug came back up, dumping more serotonin and norepinephrine in my brain once again. After nearly an hour of grinding on more chicks at the party however, fist pumping until my arm was sore, and talking to a group of drug dealers I had met in seeking out a random conversation, I realized what I was doing. Two years ago, if I could’ve seen myself today, on adderall dancing at a party, what would I have thought? I knew now that there was only one way to fix it, one way to make sure that the damage I had done was never permanent, and that it would mean a lifetime of sobriety from here on out. I pushed my way through and backtracked to the water stand meeting up with my circle of friends, fully blinded by glitter in the idea that I was on “three red bulls” as I had continued to tell them whenever they asked why I was talking so fast.
We sat in the dimly lit plastic chairs, talking about random nonsense and enjoying ourselves. Suddenly April turned to me, trying to make casual conversation and possibly become flirtatious, my hair becoming noticeably sweatier by the moment and my breathing rate increasing to that of something far above the norm. “Oh my God, it’s freezing right now” she said, staring deeply at me with her bright eyes, and shivering in her chunky gray sweatshirt. I quickly scooted my chair closer to hers and held onto her, the cute Asian girl of whom I had just met, and I was now holding her, and feeling both an extremely warm physical and emotional connection. Ten minutes went by, then fifteen as I casually continued conversation with a girl in my arms, and persuaded the rest of the group to walk back to our motel room. We strutted back, April still in my arms before I dropped her off at the hotel room, and walked into mine one door over. Our temporary roommate Sam sat on the couch, eyes noticeably dilated and obvious that he was on Luis’s adderall, and began talking to Luis, who had left the party just minutes before me. “How’s your fun going potter” he said in an instant, before I realized I was in a room full of guys horny and walked outside.
I walked into the room next door “Hey Potter!” Geneva said as April followed over with her and hugged me. “Wow your room’s freezing” I said, telling a little white lie. “Hey um, you guys wanna come over to my room, it’s pretty warm in there.” Geneva’s eyes quickly got wider as she said “oh are you the guys that cranked their thermostat all the way up?” I smiled, having no clue on earth who or what she was talking about “yep, that was us; I turned our thermostat all the way up” I said in confidence, not breaking stride the entire way with my consistent lie.
“Well hello Steve, who’d you bring me here?” Sam said, noticeably on too much love and hornnines and exhibiting traits of extremely rapid speech. “No one brought the girls for you dude, they’re mine” I said in sarcastic laughter. “We’re actually no one’s” said April, making a sarcastic facial expression towards both Sam and I as we laughed it off and proceeded with our drugged up casual conversation. I hopped over from my seat on the bed and slid over to the couch beside April. “Oh my God look at that” I said, putting my phone on her lap “how did that get there, you should put your number in.” She laughed, and for hours on end, the continued conversation was a breeze and the timeless manner of our fun night had left my body and mind in a state of extreme bliss, as well as a darker, utter soreness.
We talked and talked, obsessively trying to get out each and every repressed thought we’d had on our minds, blanking out a quick moment later from the horrid short term memory loss we were enduring. “We should order a pizza” one of the girls suggested. “Yeah we should” I said as I quickly changed back to the conversation. Another hour passed “so are we gonna order a pizza?” April asked, wondering why we had gotten so side tracked. “We said we were going to over an hour ago, it’s almost two in the morning, why are you guys talking so fast.” Sam looked at me “must be all that red bull we drank huh Steve?” All eyes were centered on me “fine I’m not on red bull” I said, looking at April and Geneva “I’m on adderall, but it’s not that bad I mean” April looked at me and raised one eyebrow “right” she said “whatever you say” she added, noticeably angered.
Another hour passed before we finally ordered food. The comedown was beginning, and at first, was a pleasurable, fuzzy feeling centered on my forearms and my gut. Then however, the full extent of the comedown began. April looked at me and raised one eyebrow as she sit next to me on the couch, and my words began to slur. It became increasingly harder to keep my eyes open “what are you saying” everyone in the room would say to me, as I could almost no longer form proper sentences “just get some sleep” April and Geneva said to me. “Yeah” I said “guys I think I’m just gonna pass out right here.” Luis looked at me, worried as ever as I shook, and my face took on a bright green, vertigo induced type of color. “Dude are you okay, I thought you of all people would be able to handle this crash the best with your um, previous track record” Luis said, winking at me as not to tip off the girls in the room as to what we had been originally here for. “Just go to sleep dude its fine.” I tried to keep my eyes open just long enough to sluggishly move to a chair on the other side of the room. Luis and April pulled the bed out of the couch and made the sheets up for me, worried about my health. “I’m actually really worried about him” said Geneva as I twitched and jerked and shivered, trying with all my might to have a peaceful sleep. “What like about his health?” Luis asked, as I vaguely heard the sentences being formed by them in my current unpleasant state of consciousness. “No” said Geneva, “about his life. Not like he’s going to die, just like about his future.”
Luis laughed, making a mockery of Geneva’s concern “what are you talking about, the kid’s GPA’s amazing?” Geneva didn’t sound convinced, but decided to cop out of the conversation “I don’t know, I’m just worried about him.” And then, just like that, it was gone. Not a drop of manic, adderall induced energy remained, and it left my body stricken with pain and agony, and weak in strength. “Don’t throw up” I repeated silently to myself “not here, not in front of all my friends.” I rolled over in bed several hours later to see April, with her long, curly red hair and bangs in her face, a Teddy Bear separating the two of us. “Oh my God, I’m gonna throw up” I thought to myself, as the emptiness from the adderall crash began to reach its fullest, and the pain and soreness from obsessively dancing became fully apparent. I turned the opposite direction, not wanting to risk vomiting on a girl who laid next to me in my bed. I lied on my back, placing both my hands over my face and rubbing. Why did I do that? I thought to myself, wondering if my other adderall induced members of the group were as depressed, unmotivated, and hung-over as I was at this very moment.
“It’s Sunday morning and…” the alarm clock went off and the radio host screamed just a short, relentless, three hours later, reminding me of what I had done by the pain present throughout my entire body. “Why would you set the alarm this early?” The entire room screamed at the kid on the right side of the room, especially the ones who had been forced to endure a adderall hangover like myself. For another three hours we slept as the alarm clock was reset, waking up at nine in the morning. “Dammit, it’s nine o’ clock, the bus leaves in like fifteen minutes.” April jumped up and tapped me on the shoulder, trying to wake me up as I was noticeably more sluggish than the rest of my group, even the one’s crashing from adderall themselves.
I walked down to the gift shop with Luis, bought a Gatorade to try to calm my hangover, and boarded the bus, enduring the long trip home, now fully equipped, and with a true realization of what we both had to do. Get out before it was too late “I think I had like a revelation on adderall” Luis said. My eyes widened in appropriate shock at the synergy to my own experience “me too. I need to stay clean and finally fix what I came here to get my head straight for.” Luis nodded “and I know what I’ve got to do with the acid, I just can’t believe I’m actually going through with it.”
I walked into school after the weekend, my adderall hangover fully dissipated, and feeling one hundred percent for the first time in too long. When lunch finally rolled around, Luis made clear what he had meant over the weekend when he said he also needed to change parts of his life. “How was Spring Fling?” Sebastian asked me in a general sense, stimulating conversation towards something much more important. “It was great. So what happened with your acid thing?” Sebastian looked at Luis “the school knows about it, and one of our dealers Marco just texted me he got caught.” “He got caught!” I said in shock. “Sort of” Luis reiterated. “He was skipping class and got searched with thirteen tabs of LSD on him.” “Oh my God” I said “that’s enough to get intent to distribute.” “I know” said Luis. “Luckily Marco, with as smart as he is, ran away to the bathroom, and swallowed all thirteen tablets. He just texted me about it not even an hour ago.” “Thirteen tabs” I said “he’s dead. There’s no way he’s coming back from that, he’s going to have the worst day of his life and then die.” Luis shook his head unconvinced “na, it’s not real acid, it’s just 25i, and he swallowed them still in the bag, so it won’t release all at once.” I wasn’t that convinced, only glad and hopeful all of us wouldn’t be using or dealing anymore.
Another girl raised her hand, and I hoped the subject would be changed. “How are these kid’s smart enough to cook it, I mean, who comes up with this kind of stuff?” I bit my tongue, knowing that I was forced to sit in complete silence although I had extensive knowledge on the subject being discussed. The teacher responded “they’re probably some genius kids that are doing it, and that’s why no one’s catching them. I think we ought to start looking in AP classes for the culprit instead of just looking for junkie kids in hoods, because if the kid’s smart enough to make the stuff then they’re probably on honor roll.” I resisted laughing at how close to right my teacher was, and thought to myself “she wouldn’t believe who was doing it if she’d seen them with her own eyes.” My teacher continued to ramble on and on about the subject, taking up the bulk of our final class period, and directing the entire classes attention to kids with packs of gum. “I don’t know what to think. I just hope those kids know how many lives they are ruining, including their own.” I laughed at the stereotype put in place from my teacher, realizing she had not a clue what she was up against.
Over the next several minutes, commotion began to die down, and the topics of the random gossip spiraling my desk area began to change to more socially acceptable things. Suddenly however, my teacher power walked across the room in an attempt to catch the phone before it finished ringing. “Hello?” My teacher answered, before nodding several times and eventually calling for a substitute teacher to come into the classroom. “What is it?” The same girl to the right of me asked. My teacher looked somewhat distressed, and even paranoid “I’ve got a family emergency and I have to leave suddenly. I couldn’t get a substitute teacher on short notice though, so you guys are going to the auditorium to wait out the rest of the period.” The girl sighed, and was eventually pushed by a hoard of teenagers bombarding the classroom door to leave.
Final Thoughts on Smoking Adderall Dangers
I went home that day with a smile on my face and a sense of content that rushed through my entire body. I was ecstatic, and at the same time nervous. Nervous because I knew that from this moment on, my entire life was going to change, and although it was for the better, change always comes with a hovering apprehension. I reached up into the cabinet, looking at the newly filled prescription bottle my mother had just gotten from the pharmacy, unscrewed the lid, and flushed every last pill. I stood still, looking myself in the mirror and realizing how easy it had actually been to get rid of a fresh bottle of Adderall. It was over, and I was done. I wanted to sleep peacefully, and not worry about going to jail or falling back into addiction. There was only one thing left to do, and it was the only thing that would truly provide me with a lifetime of relief, happiness, and freedom from guilt. I walked out into the kitchen, and sat at the table with my hands folded, realizing “I should probably tell my friends.”
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